I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
