Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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