Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
