nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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