i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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