you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
