Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
