apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
