Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
