I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
