I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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