Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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