did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
