I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize