it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
