I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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