smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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