You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
