i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This is my gift to your gina
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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