He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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