god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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