oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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