let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
