Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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