Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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