I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
