just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
