I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
