so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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