you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
third nipple confirmed
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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