I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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