Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
