Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize