I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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