guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
