he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
