Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
try to milk me bitch
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