The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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