Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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