she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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