My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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