So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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