Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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