I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
