if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
