wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
