I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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