Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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