Just fell off a train. Bad.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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