bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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