You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
