i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
