Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I touched a dick in church today
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize