I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
