as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
