i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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