I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
