Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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