True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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