I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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