Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize