i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
