I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i dont even know how to be here
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
