i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
