Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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