jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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