I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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