help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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