You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
