I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
