you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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