Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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