Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
