i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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