Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
even my farts smell like vagina
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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