Christians are straight up FREAKS
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
