do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
