Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
