How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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