At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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