I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
