I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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