So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
