he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
