ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
