We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
