hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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