My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
