Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
