Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
