I can tuck mytits in my pants
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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