That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
