She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
false alarm, still single
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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