did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need water and some morals
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
