I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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