a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
